Sorry I haven't been doing next to anything with this dA page for awhile. T_T I've been pretty busy, and my grandmother being hospitalized recently wasn't helping. She's recovering fine now, but, it was a pretty close call. You know, the same grandmother I praise all of the time for being my unfailing support for me to never give up on my art my entire life? Yep, that's the extraordinary lady.

As I've mentioned on the Facebook Fan Page - [link] - I'm going to be releasing a new website soon. It'll be a totally new front for me, and I'm pretty excited about it. Even if it's mainly for blogging and sharing content.

After the birth of my son at the end of '10, I realized that my art shop would probably never really become a fully-fledged business like I'd always hoped for years. But it took until about a couple months ago for me to be okay with that concept. My life doesn't have to have these strict boundaries based upon what I thought things would be like. I think the rest of my life is already proof of that, lol. And since my art is a part of ME, I find that I'M pretty sick and tired of having to make my life a black and white story of keeping the person I am separate from my art. That's no fun.

I'm well aware I'll likely loose a decent amount of people interested in my work when they see that I don't care if they see "the real me" so to speak. Most people are only interested in the art and not the artist as well. I'm not one of those people. I like seeing what type of person the artist is, because it either helps me gain more perspective and appreciation for their work or makes me feel more connected to the artist and they become more relatable. But that's just how I feel. =]

I've been feeling great lately. Long time readers are aware I've suffered disorders the past three and a half years, and I've been open about the fact that I've had them before. I believe the one that's most apparent is my anxiety disorder. Not paranoia, but anxiety. I'm sure it sounds stupid to a lot of people, but that's why there's such a large turn around time between when an order is placed in my shop and the time that it's shipped out. It's to look out for my personal health. I can't feel like the sky is falling every time I get an order for something that I make - because that's much like how anxiety disorders make you feel. An unnecessary excess of stress. So I figured out the magic time duration I need to be able to pace myself and make products without rushing them. This way, if buyers can be a little patient with me and my processing times, I can make them something truly awesome. =] Ehhh, I still feel like I didn't say that in quite the best way, but, I tried. Lol.

Additionally, a lot has happened over the past month that I've turned into good. First, my marriage was on the line [thank you, you super lovely disorders], and I was able to gain control over part of my disorders and repair my relationship, which feels better than ever. =] My grandmother, as mentioned above, was in the hospital. And it was to the point where I was told that she wasn't going to make it, from reliable sources that would never lie to me and would never tell me something so devastating unless it was the case. Then God placed His healing hand on that seventy year old woman and she's doing great! I was heartbroken and feeling selfish because I didn't want her to leave us yet. And honestly, being stuck 2,000 miles away from her and not being able to see her totally sucked. I recall hating my phone, where every notification and call made my adrenaline spike up in fear of waiting for the phone call of doom. But, thankfully, I don't have to worry about that now.

Lastly, this past month brought me to a situation where I simply got over someone who I had tried to be friends with, became my stalker instead, and to this day and who knows how long will continue creeping all over my online content. I wasn't an angel to them a couple years ago, so I sent them an apology in hopes of some sort of, I don't know, possible mutual understanding. They haven't changed one bit, read my apology blog speaking to them as an anonymous person about six times and simply ignored me. This helped me gain the ability to stop caring about them. I honestly did before, deep down inside, as I generally do for most people. But they made me realize that after almost four years of bullcrap and their psychotic stalking, they're not worth my time. My disorders had previously stopped me from being able to not care when someone goes out of their way to mock me and reference me constantly in a bad way without knowing me. But I grew even more, got over yet another part of my disorders, and was able to speak my peace and state what I've just said - they're simply not worth my time. Lord knows they've already probably got some sort of rebuttal posted somewhere to try to justify their crazy tactics, but it's not worth my time to go look for it. They live and crave attention from me, any attention whether good or bad, and I won't allow myself to be the one that dishes it out. For all I care, they can sit behind their computer screen with their jealousy and shame until they day that they die, because I'm sick of it. I have much better things to do with my time than to try to become friends with someone like them. I am a totally freaking awesome friend, as a lot of people know, and they completely missed their chance. Or should I say chances, over these last annoying years of dealing with them. Heck, I'm no saint, but I at least know that my life doesn't revolve around that person and would not benefit from the likes of them being in it. I hope they have fun ranting to themselves, because I'm done wasting my time on one person that's not even worth it.

So let's recap, shall we?
Awesome new website coming soon.
My grandmother was almost lost, but is recovering at an amazing rate!
I repaired my marriage and it's doing better than ever.
Closed the door to an unhealthy situation with stalker. Forever.
By the way, I've taken up Zumba Fitness in my house. My 3 year old daughter LOVES to dance with me. =]

Pretty good for one month, I'd say. I'm curious though, as to why more people are hating me the more awesome I'm becoming? Perhaps they simply don't know that I was already an awesome person before my disorders showed up, and they're only now seeing this side of things. I suggest those people get used to it. I'm an outspoken, opinionated, honest, creative and fun person. And I'm not speaking in a sense of vanity here. More like a person stating who they are after recovering from devastating mental disorders. Recovery rocks! Wo0t! =]

- Cyndy M.